Whilst many long distance relationships occur in a variety of different reasons, they all have one thing in common – an LDR sucks.
It doesn’t matter if it’s 2 months or 2 years apart, nothing can quite prepare you for the pain of being far away from the person you love. It’s pretty traumatic at times, I’ll be honest – particularly when timezone come into play. 8 hours apart and 7000 miles? Yes, less than ideal.
It’s tough, it’s emotionally exhausting and it will make you question your relationship and/or your reasoning on embarking on this long distance crap in the first place. There is a lot of negativity attached to this form of relationship – but I urge you, don’t allow that fear make you hastily decide to call it quits before you even began.
All of the above aside, you CAN survive an LDR and if you both do, it will often make your relationship even stronger than before. Here are my expert (I did it for 2.5 years so consider myself an expert) tips in surviving your LDR:
Communicate every single day
Whilst excessive communication is never good, making sure you have some sort of ‘touch base’ with each other daily is key in a LDR. The aim of the game is to replicate a ‘normal’ relationship, so to speak. You should continue your thread of conversation where you previously left off, sharing news and emotions / opinions as if you’re sitting together at the dinner table.
Always text goodnight and good morning
Following on from the above, always text goodnight and morning – whatever the time. If one of you is going to bed and the other is eating lunch – still send the text. This is pretty important when you live in different timezones – to help stabilise your ‘normality’ as you’re quite literally living in each other’s past or future.
Send videos / video calls as regularly as possible
Texting is an easy way to keep in touch – but it can often feel lacking in emotion as well as miscommunication – particularly when both parties are busy working hard. One day can lead into a few days of no calls (only texts) an the next thing you know, you’re feeling distant and even bickering via texts for no real reason at all. Video calls or sending pre-recorded videos to each other reinforces your connection. It offers that face time, literally, that you need to maintain a positive secure relationship. If you are busy / in different timezones, make allocated time specifically to call your partner – even if it’s just 30 minutes during your lunch break.
Handwrite and post letters / parcels
Alongside texts and social media, why not delve back into traditional communication methods of posting letters and cards to each other? A personalised hand written letter not only speaks to the heart, but it offers that person’s voice to read and re-read when you can’t speak. Deep, heartfelt letters are the best. Or just rude jokes, if that’s your vibes. Whatever makes you smile when you open it, and reminds you of them.
Find joy in your own separate routines
The great thing about LDR is that – you get so much time to yourself! And sure, many many moments are deeply lonely, you can also cherish this time to do everything you want to do. You don’t need to consider your partner’s needs when deciding what movie to watch at the weekend, or where to go for dinner. You can do you, in the best possible way.
Same rule applies – never go to bed on an argument
As per every single relationship – always resolve any issues before one of you hits the hay. Nobody wants to wake up the next morning angry with their significant other, but especially if that person is miles away in a different bed, still fast asleep.
Plan regular vacations / physical time together
Keeping the fire burning is easier when you both have carved out time to be physically close again. Whether it’s every month, every couple of months or longer – if you have a holiday period to be next to each other again, it gives you focus. You can both look forward to all the cool stuff you can do together again, as well as the physical side of things. I say no more.
Avoid potential ‘danger’ situations
Lets call a spade a spade. With your partner far away, no physical contact and rows aplenty (after all, you’re bot human), it’s easy to have a wandering eye. Heck, you may even get hit on by someone and perhaps – just perhaps – you found them attractive too. Not sounding good is it? Particularly if alcohol is involved. Rather than risk everything you have with your partner, avoid such situations instead. This doesn’t mean stay indoors like a hermit, but it does mean if you’re getting the vibes that bad things could happen – remove yourself immediately.
Share your schedules to help each other with communication
There is nothing worse than someone constantly trying to get hold of you when you have a pile of work to do. By not sharing your schedules ahead of time, you’ll be putting yourself into this irritating situation, which can then cause arguments with your partner. Instead, give a heads up for the week coming when you are free to chat, and when you need to work. This also allows your partner to make their own plans that includes speaking with you.
Always be honest
As with any relationship – honesty is key. If you’re feeling low, emotional, questioning your relationship (it will happen, trust me) or you feel they don’t give you the same attention they used to, speak up. Be as honest as you can at all times. Your partner may have no clue about how you’re feeling and given the fact you are not even physically together, it is easy to misunderstand things. Make sure you both keep an open heart with each other – it gives you the strength to power through.
And finally…have an end goal in sight. You can’t do a long distance relationship forever, so work out your long term strategy on finding a way to be reunited, permanently. It doesn’t need to be soon, but it does need to be an agreed goal and end date for you both.
