Sexts, or ‘sexy-texts’ in the longer version, is a common terminology thrown about in the modern world of dating and relationships. They consist of:
- simple flirty texts,
- explicit worded texts or the typical selfie topless/lingerie photo text,
- full nudes and sexual positions (you’re going to need a phone stand or tripod for these bad boys)
- as well as videos.
With regards to your reputation should they ever ‘get out’ or get leaked, they’re as dangerous as juggling with knifes – yet I bet my life’s savings anyone who has owned a phone has sent one to a significant other. My hand is high in the air btw, I send loads. Legit. But my Instagram is full of lingerie and bikini photos for the entire world to see, so I’m obviously cool with my body. That being said, if an image of my naked breasts or vagina or arsehole got sent around – not cool, not cool at all. I’d be devastated.
So, I’m asking myself and everyone reading this – why send sexts then? I mean if we think about it, how well do you know this person, and will the photo of you with your rack out or legs spread end up as an email attachment or passed around in a WhatsApp group on a Friday night? When is it okay to send a sext; does he have to be a ‘seeing’ guy, a ‘in a serious relationship’ guy or your fiancé to trust him enough to receive such an exposed sext? Or is sending nudes cool these days to a one-night stand partner? I am referencing here girls sending sexts to guys, but this is definitely a unisex topic and applies vice versa on all accounts.
Let’s go a lil deeper shall we…
I put out a tweet to my lovely followers, asking what they feel about the aforementioned subject and I was pretty surprised at the responses – mainly because everyone seemed pro-sexts. I think only one person said no, and the rest said go for it. Heck, why not? It’s harmless flirting and it can make the day fly quicker. It also keeps a little romance going in a long-term relationship and there is nothing like coming home to your man having had some lunch-time banter and pictures to keep the smile on your faces.
HOWEVER, when the relationship fails (or should I say, IF) he now has those explicit images saved on his phone and can do considerable damage to your rep. How many times do you think a relationship, once loving, has gone sour and the naked sexts have ended up being posted onto a social networking site and embarrassed the sendee no end? The answer is too many times. From my point of view, I’ve been ‘so so so in love’ with ex boyfriends who, once we split, turned into something that resembled the Gruffalo and I wouldn’t put it past them to have shown/sent pictures around to cause me embarrassment. That is what a bad break up does to you; ruins all affection for the other person and draws out your inner demon. Not cool.
Then, my dearest reader, you also have to take into consideration when to send sexts (if you simply can’t stop yourself). Say, you meet a hot guy and you’ve dated him twice and he sends a suggestive message that implies a sext response from you – worded or photo. Do you do it? In the heat of the moment you want to, but what if he then, without thinking about it, has a different opinion of you because you were so willing to hand out the sexts like a beauty sample at Sephora. Yes, it may be a turn on, but if you’re after something serious – will it ruin your chances to be seen as a respectful lady?
From my recent experience, I have loved a wonderful man for many years, but unfortunately we have separated. For those wonderful years, 2.5 of which we were in a long distance relationship, I have sent him LOADS AND LOADS AND LOADS of sexts. He has those saved somewhere, I am sure. Now we’re not together, there is nothing stopping him from sharing those around, save his respect for me and lingering love that is left.
Do I now regret sending even just one? Absolutely not. It kept the fire blazing when we lived 7000 miles apart, and I’ve only ever sent images or videos that I am proud of. Also, I genuinely trust him to never show a single soul other than his own eyes. But IF he ever does, at least I know what content I sent, how I look (omg fabulous darling) and I know body confidence is nothing to be shamed for.
I spoke to one of my boy mates who is 1) very good looking 2) single and 3) in the media industry so basically, the perfect eligible bachelor. He said that, flirting texts are quite normal and it’s a great build up so why not. It’s the modern communication and can actually be quite a turn on. When I asked if it would change his opinion of a girl, he said it doesn’t matter about texts as it’s just normal behaviour and all guys hint and flirt on texts; if the girl naturally starts flirting back then that’s cool. He did say, however, and this is a direct quote “as long as it’s not something rank like a close up of her pussy.” He also said – don’t just send a topless shot straight off either, always leave something to the imagination as that is the very essence of a sext – the more frustration the better.
In light of his opinion, of my collated tweet evidence and my own personal knowledge, I’ve created a little ‘guide’ I think we should all refer to when wishing to send/receive a good ol’ sext.
Enjoy!
Nixalina’s Sexts Guide
1. Ensure you know a fair bit about the dude first; I’d always give a 3 month rule to dating him before sending a sext. It ensures you have a connection first and he isn’t just a loser after a photo for his wank bank.
2. Don’t send a photo sext out of the blue, in response to his ‘Hi how was your lunch’ or something similar message. You have to have flirty chat going on first, otherwise you look a bit weird.
3. Don’t send a photo of you fully naked, or a ‘close up of the pussy’ unless you’re prepared for this to possibly do the rounds OR you trust this man with your life. I’d say a cheeky topless shot is only allowed in a secure relationship. Men are very visual but they also want to always discover things for themselves; they need to always be ‘chasing’ something.
4. Always feed off of him. If he’s keeping the flirty texts more on the casual side, you do the same. If he sends a photo of his ripped torso, then fair’s fair you can send a lingerie one back. But to ensure he definitely doesn’t view you as ‘easy’ or cheap, let him lead.
5. Never send a sext to multiple numbers at one go. LOLZ. I had a phone handset once that could view all the numbers a photo image was sent to – I got sent a topless photo from a guy who I hadn’t even dated at that point and when I looked it was sent at the same time to another number, yuk! (True story btw, how funny!).
6. Always double check the recipient – I’ve heard of horror stories of people accidentally sending a sext to their mum. Awkward.
7. If you are unsure but feel a lil naughty, send a shot that excludes the head…that way, if he turns out to be an asshole and the photo pops up in the Facebook mini feed – you can always keep your 3D head held high and deny the 2D version was actually you. Score.
8. DO NOT send A SINGLE PHOTO if you feel uncomfortable or don’t want to. Like, fuck him for even trying his luck. Don’t feel pressured into doing anything.
9. Use sext requests as a guide to judge the marker of the man – if he’s asking for photos and you’ve just matched on Tinder, or he’s asking for photos after one date – let me be frank – he does that with everyone.
10. Finally, embrace your damn body confidence and relish in your self love and how you rock. If you want to show yourself off, then you do you boo. I’m standing at the back giving you a round of applause. Too many body hang-ups and self shame going on these days – I’m all about the loud & proud self-love.
I've only been in one relationship where sexts were used and they did pose a viable point in the relationship they were tasteful pictures and descriptive text and while I still have then on an old phone I wouldn't ever dream of sharing them with anyone. They added that element of surprise and it was her way of letting me know what was waiting for me and boy did they work I'd rush to get to her to show my appreciation ;-).
hahahaha LOVE IT!!!
I think it comes down to trust and whether you believe it in. If you trust someone enough to send them to them and know that they won't send them if you split up, then there's nothing wrong with it. However, there are ways of sending sexts and still remaining a lady… Pictures that are not explicit and texts that tease rather than look like a chapter out of 50 shades…It's all about getting the balance right, like you would with the rule "Don't get your boobs out if you have all your legs out".
Haha you are aware of my opinion on the matter 😀 x
Number 10 is so key. I really only started sending sexts in my late 30s, and it was unexpectedly empowering. I was happy with the photos I took and put a fair amount of effort into them. Mentally, this mitigated any risk quite a bit. Yes, there’s always the chance someone will leak them, but I was pleased with what I sent and felt like I could live with it if the worst happened. Of course I enjoyed it when the guys I sent them to were appreciative, but more importantly, the act of taking the photos made me feel good independent of any external validation.
Loved this. You have such a great way with words. Thanks for sharing!
I have a female friend and we both sext each other frequently. Like sending some jokes or even discussing about sexual matters or she even send me some of her nice revealing pictures (not nudes). However, we both havent gathered courage to ask each other out to be intimately together. We do meet over coffee or lunches or wines but thats it. It doesnt go further than this. I am not asking because im not sure if she has the same in mind. I dont think both of us want to fall in love with each other and i also dont want to lose a friend. But there are many hints that she gives by sending her sexxy pics and she likes to talk dirty and so do I. What should i do?