Allow me to introduce a brand new series onto Sex & Singapore City: The #GirlBoss Spotlight. Here, I aim to showcase successful, inspiring and empowering females living on the island that have followed their career dreams and flourished. I want to use real women, real people and real stories to give an insight for the younger generation on what they can achieve in their own futures. I also want to hero the badass boss females who deserve recognition for their work.
Kicking off this series then, let’s all meet Anita Ghosal – an international coach, speaker and the founder and pioneer of the Liberate Me.
Anita, what is your business all about? What doe Liberate Me offer women?
The Freedom Code – Liberate Me was created to help women solve the problem of being trapped, in whichever format they feel currently trapped in their lives. I help them begin a journey of self discovery, heal and release past pains and experiences, find who they are, find their voice, feel liberated and create precisely what they desire in life – from the inside out. I aim to show them there is another way – there are other choices and it does not mean having to compromise on the love, wealth and success they desire. These females learn they can stop pretending, pleasing and trying to prove themselves.
Many ladies come from expat, dual cultures (double life syndrome as I call it) and have suffered painful experiences such as divorce or abusive relationships. Many are bullied or overlooked at work or various places in their lives and do not understand why. There is a root cause to this that we identify and remove. I show them that there is nothing wrong with these women and once they begin their journey into this programme, they able to break free. By getting to the core and root of the issues, then the healing swiftly follows.
Examples of previous ‘trapped’ women that I have worked with and helped include:
- Trapped in a relationship that is not making them happy
- Recently divorced and have no idea who they are
- Trapped in meeting the same man again and again and cannot seem to attract real love or find a soul mate that treats them well
- Trapped in a toxic work situation like on a hamster wheel
- Trapped in a family that makes them feel second best – the black sheep
- Stuck in friendships where they give, give, give and don’t get much back
- Trapped in constant anxiety and other health problems such as exhaustion or fatigue
- Or they have no idea what’s trapping them but know something is not right
How long have you done Liberate Me for?
I did this for myself first before I began teaching it. Officially it has been 5 years where I have set to help others, which came first from building my gift by personal growth and experiences I went through myself.
And may I ask, what made you take this life journey – what was the motivation to set up such a company to help others?
The easiest way to answer this question is to tell you little bit about my story:
I was born in the U.K to Indian parents- the third child of four. We lived with my father’s parents until I was three but also had a substantial extended Indian family. As with most Indian families, mine was extremely strict, especially for girls. Culturally women do not get the same freedom as boys – we are there to cook and clean and behave appropriately. Indian girls also come with a high price tag on our heads for their parents when it comes to getting married; hence, girls are not that welcomed as newborns. My family was no different, and it was most important to keep up appearances and do all the culturally correct things.
From a young child, my mother and I had a complicated relationship, she would physically beat me and emotionally abuse me. For reasons I still do not fully understand today, she singled me out from my siblings and was continually making it known to me that she did not want nor like me. There are some memories that will never shift; she would do things like smack a vacuum cleaner over my head or smashing my head against a marble kitchen floor again and again because she hated the way I washed up. The hardest part was that this was not happening to any of my siblings. It was just me.
Things came to head when my dad finally caught my mum treating me in this way – as she always did it behind his back.
I remember when dad found out. I was sitting there after a bath knowing that my mum was about to brush my hair. I knew she hated brushing my hair, because it was curly and hard to control and I knew if I even flinched, I would be beaten so hard. I was sitting between her legs on the floor when she grabbed the brush and it was so violent, I screamed. She was pulling my hair and ripping at the knots. She lost her temper and grabbed my hair and pulled it hard, so hard I thought I was going to stop breathing. She dragged me upstairs and proceeded to whack my head against the bath over and over again, then grabbed scissors and started to chop off my hair (this was also not allowed for girls in my culture, so I started to worry I was going to be even more trouble). My Dad came in from work and caught her.
I don’t know why she did this to me and only me. Maybe it was because I looked like her mother-in-law whom she disliked, or I was too loud, or that I was not a son. Whatever it was, it cut deep scars into me and I will never know why. All I do know is she had dark demons of her own having come from an abusive childhood herself, and she also had all the characteristics of bipolar personality disorder or a narcissist.
This trauma at the hand of my mother followed into my schooling. I was also targeted by my peers and bullied. I remember one morning I was called up by someone I thought was going to be my best friend. She said, “Look, we don’t want you hanging around us anymore.” I said, “OK, no problem.” I put the phone down, ran upstairs and grabbed a razor. I was so hurt, I just wanted to die., So I cut my wrists. I then thought, oh shit I’ve got to go to school, so put a plaster on and covered it and told no one. From that day forward, I was alone with no friends for the next three years.
My dad was always keeping up expectations in his family and working really hard. He ended up starting his own business – a real rags to riches type of story. But that crashed and burned in the 90’s. And he got to the point that he lost everything – I watched a strong man become seriously depressed. He was told by his financial advisor that he had two choices… either he dies or my mum dies. The financial advisor was laughing, saying, “That’s your only way out, mate”. My dad faked a laugh, but I could feel his pain. The financial advisor was joking, but my dad was not. It was true that a life insurance settlement would be paid if one should die.
The very next morning I watched him walk straight out of the front door, never to be seen again. I was the last one to see him. My dad was missing for almost three agonizing months, and found in the River Thames. He had taken his own life to save his family from losing their home, futures and a life that he believed he promised us and he would not let us down.
It turned my life inside out and I did not know if I would survive it.
Sadly, beyond my family trauma and young home life, I then went on to be in an abusive relationship in my twenties, lost two more close relatives to suicide and was disowned to face the world alone. I wanted my mum’s approval so much that I stayed in an abusive relationship for 5 years without telling a soul. It did not work! Finally, I realized why I endured such a small existence and decided to say NO to toxic relationships and YES to a brand new way of being. I filed for divorce the next day and stopped trying to please others from that day forward.
My reflection on my mother, my father’s death and my toxic relationship made me realize that we must make the most of our life, and that our life is ours. It is a gift; We are for here for a purpose with a great deal of value to give to the world. And there is nothing worst than wasted life. This why I started this work. To teach women how to RISE even out of the most devastating circumstances.
As a little girl, what was your original career goals and dreams?
I originally wanted to be a dancer and actually qualified, but dad said no – it was not the ‘done thing’ for Indian girls. I also quite liked the idea of becoming a beautician, or being a midwife was another idea! I cared a lot about the world – I always knew I was different and wanted to help the world come together, love each other and support each other.
Did you have to go through education to get to where you are, or did you work your way up?
I did a lot of education – I have BA (Hons) degree qualification, counselling, psychology and I re-qualified officially as a coach when I started the business. Education aside, I have to say my gift and method comes from the personal experiences, which I believe makes all the difference. I have been through a lot and have made every kind of mistake, so my clients don’t have to. Whatever they have been through it does not make them a victim or broken, it’s quite the opposite. I always say to my community:
You are not broken; You don’t need fixing. You have the ability to be, enjoy and have whatever you desire – your future is nothing like past.
Were your family ever supportive of your career choices? What about your friends, are they supportive?
The story above covers this as you can probably already guess, the answer was no. My family made me do what my sister was doing – business and marketing, rather than allowing me to purse my dance dreams. I’d say on this business they are supportive of me though, in the sense that they are proud of me.
As for friends, that is interesting one. When you find own your truth and be 100%your authentic self, you find that some of your friends struggle with that. So while they support from a distance, many seem to shrink away. It’s not easy, but not being who you are is big price to pay for the approval of others – I learned that never worked. It’s OK as you elevate and develop who you are to surround yourself with those people that want you to be your best. Some people are for lifetime, some for a season and some for a reason is what I always say.
What’s your favourite part of your job?
Coaching my clients – seeing their breakthroughs when their original ‘unimaginable’ then comes a reality for them. That has got to be the best part!
What’s your least favourite part of your job?
Admin, marketing… the usual paperwork that we all dislike. But hey, it is worth it for the greater course of making it as easy as possible for the women to find the help they need. It is not about me…it’s about the isolated women who need my help.
What is your best life lesson you’ve learnt on your incredible journey?
You are the creator of your life and experience. Nothing or no one has power over you unless you hand it over to them. And even if you have…you can take it back at anytime.
Have you ever had any doubts or considered giving up?
Constantly!! That is part of being human. It’s knowing my WHY and keeping that close to my heart through those tough moments, that keeps me going. I know the doubts are not always coming from me but from a root wound that tells me I am not good enough… and I will use my own processes to clear this up with love and continue to evolve.
How do you juggle work life and home life – any tips on ensuring both are a positive space?
For me I do not juggle as I work from home, but I just stay in a state of flow if that makes sense. I learnt to trust and surrender that it is all coming together. I would say, when it comes to work/life balance, we cannot make it equal everyday. Its actually the opposite – we prioritise one thing we want to at that time and that is okay.
Do you ever struggle to get through the working week, if so how do you power on?
For me, it doesn’t feel like a working week, I guess that is the upside of loving what I do. I do not put pressure on myself in any big way. But yes, sometimes there is that need to power through, when I don’t feel like it doing something or just want to watch Netflix. So the way I do it, is I make a decision and stick to that choice. I also do not take all my feelings seriously as they are not all serious, so I allow myself to get through a task knowing that the result will bring so much joy and hopefully others too.
If you could go back to your 18 year old self and give one piece of life advice, what would it be and why?
Don’t live your life trying to get the approval of others or trying to please others to feel happiness as if you are ‘worthy’. You will lose yourself and suffer unnecessarily. You are born worthy and who you uniquely are is a GIFT to the world.
And finally, what does the next 5 years look like for you?
I can’t say I plan that far ahead – I like the suspense and adventure. I’ll always want to keep growing the business to help as many women as I can around the world.
To join Anita’s online community, click here.
Anita, you are an inspiration from start to finish. You embody the concept of finding love from pain, from turning negative experiences into something positive and have so much light inside of you that you help women who have been through such pain, to move forwards too. Thank you for being so open and so raw, and allowing us all to hear your own story, to share your past and to show that being vulnerable is absolutely okay. You have also shown us that anything you can dream can become your reality – launching your own business, working from home, steering your own career path regardless of past experiences or perceptions of yourself and what you deserve.
Thank you for sharing your story with me, and all my readers. I’m sure you will continue to help many many more.
