How to introduce sex toys in your relationship

Post sponsored by easytoys.

Wanting to try something new in your relationship doesn’t mean things are stale or boring. If you’ve been feeling like a little spice is needed, or if you’re just wanting to explore something new, then introducing sex toys into your relationship is the perfect way to do this.

Maybe you’ve thought about it before and you’re a little scared of hurting your partner’s ego, or you may be scared to admit your desires out loud, but you don’t have to be nervous. Here’s the Sex & London City guide to bringing a sex toy or two into the bedroom.

1. Timing is everything

While we would never say there is a ‘wrong’ time to bring up the subject of sex toys in a relationship, you might want to wait until you’re a few dates in before you start hinting. Wait until you’ve had enjoyed each other’s company in the bedroom a few times first, and you’ve developed a strong level of trust and communication. Start by suggesting a sex toy that would enhance pleasure for the both of you, such as a cock ring if you’re having P in V sex, or anal toys or strap-ons.

2. Break the ice

Now you’ve got your moment right, you need the right way to bring it up. If you frame it as a complaint or a criticism then you risk damaging the dynamic between you two. Your partner will probably be much more receptive to a request to enhance the pleasure. Try the following instead:

1. I loved how it felt last night…
2. Have you ever thought about trying a toy…?
3. I’d love to try ____ with you.

Suggest that you browse together online or visit a sex toy shop together, rather than forcing anything on your partner. If they’re shy, then don’t push.

3. How are you having sex?

Once you’ve had the conversation, it’s time to figure out what sex toys would suit you best. Do you prefer rubbing on the outside? Oral sex? P in V? Or anal? If you’re brand new to sex toys, then I’d recommend you incorporate a sex toy as part of your existing sexual repertoire, such as holding a bullet vibrator against your clitoris during penetrative sex. Then build your way up to something more hardcore, such as using anal beads or dildos.

4. Go slow, no pressure

Once you’ve chosen your sex toy, the moment is finally here. But try not to put any pressure on things as you risk alienating your partner, especially if they’re a little nervous. It’s important to start slow rather than diving in at the deep end with something really hardcore. You might want to start off even smaller with an intimate massager, erotic massage oil or costume role play – if someone has never used a sex toy of any kind before, these things can be intimidating! As they become familiar with the difference sensations, they’ll slowly start to warm up to other ideas.

5. Don’t forget solo time

Sex toys in your relationship doesn’t necessarily mean you’re both using them. Don’t underestimate the value of masturbation – especially for your mental health! While you may indulge in a spot of solo play, does your partner? Perhaps you could treat them to a suitable sex toy; perhaps a masturbation sleeve or a vibrator. Once they’ve explored their own body and sensations, they’ll be keen to share with you!

Sex toys can be fantastic for a relationship. They can help you discover you positions, techniques, interactions and activities, and spark conversation between couples and open up new pathways to pleasure! But if you dabble and find that it’s not quite right for you, then that’s ok. Nobody said you had to play with sex toys, but it’s certainly worth a try!