Among the scary AF deadly Coronavirus global pandemic, emigrating to a new country is absolutely not top of anyone’s list nor is it highly recommended. That being said, it’s a blog post I’ve wanted to write for a while, dedicated to those who have already taken the plunge or those considering emigrating. I’m aware of at least one gal who is, in the thick of the pandemic, still surging forwards with her plans to move from Europe to Asia, so whilst we’re all having to live with extra caution, it’s also a case of ‘life goes on’.
So let’s delve right in shall we? Check out the below nuggets of wisdom that I have since I moved from the UK to Singapore back in January 2017:
1.You learn who your real friends are
Shit, but also not shit, depending on how you look at this one. It’s easy to maintain friendships with people you went to school with, or who live nearby. It’s alot harder to keep those friendships going when you’re miles away and in a different timezone. What I discovered very quickly, is that my real genuine here-for-life friends made the effort with me, kept in contact and continued being there for me, whatever it took. Most of them also visited too, even if it was just once. Others quietly slipped away, stopped replying, lessened communication or got ‘too busy’ with their life to bother. No hard feelings and it’s a harsh but important lesson to learn, because it helps show you the people you can depend on, no matter what.
2. You get used to making friendships that will potentially leave at some point
It took me around 2 years here in Singapore to really start developing friendships with people. Even though I emigrated solo, I was never quite sure if I would be here for a long time or not, so hesitated at making connections in case I had to leave. When I did start letting people in, a few times they would have to leave. Instead of trying to avoid it and become rather lonely, the best thing to do is embrace this fact. People come, people go. It’s life. Learning to be okay with letting people in, even though they might leave, is something I took a while to do, but am so thankful I finally mastered it.It’s not just an expat issue I do understand this, but it is more prevalent in expat communities as the chances of people returning home or moving on elsewhere are higher than those who are in the same place they grew up.
– You also learn how to network, talk to strangers and make these new connections in the first place. If you’re thrown in at the deep end, it’s a sink or swim situation. To make friends, you have to talk to people! To meet these people in the first place, you need to go out and network, be happy going to places on your own and generally just be more ‘available’ to other humans to create real connections.
3. You learn to appreciate a whole new culture
In my mind, nothing negative comes from learning a new culture that is so different to your own. You may not agree or like some aspects of it, but it’s eye-opening, it’s educational and it gives you a better scope for understanding others around you. We ALL think our way of life is the best way. No, not the case. Immersing yourself in a new culture is a great positive for yourself, enabling you to review how you look at things. By absorbing worldly cultures and travelling more, the better you feel as an individual and the more well rounded person you become.
4. You will discover so many new things about yourself
Can I handle really spicy food? No I can’t. Do I struggle being alone? Absolutely. Do I prefer the sunshine to cold? Totally. Am I able to make my own life decisions without any immediate support around me? Yup. Do I still allow myself to get bullied by people in authority? Sadly, yes. Am I able to make the entire room laugh? Happily so. Can I connect with people from different backgrounds? Absolutely. I could go on – but long story short you really start to take stock of the person you are, or have become. Being at home, I’d never have been put into these circumstances that allowed me to see myself in a different light. Self evaluation occurs a lot, sometimes not always positive, but it is a necessary tool to keep moving forwards and to grow up.
5. You let go of material things
The belongings of my entire apartment between the age of 26-29 is in boxes in my mum’s loft. Or sold off, or in a thrift shop. And guess what? I don’t care. Objects, whilst many hold value to us or sentimental memories, happily become something of an ‘old’ life. You can learn to detach yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I did ship my super-must-have belongings with me (that includes the cat!) but items such as my beloved interior decor, old school books, art projects etc etc – all in a box somewhere. Not being attached to material things is a positive, I assure you.
6. Can look to picking up a new language
I absolutely cannot pick up languages, however hard I try. Not the words, not the accent…nada. Some people are born with the natural gift – I am the opposite of those people. HOWEVER, I so so wish I could. Being bilingual is a stunning talent and gift, and of course very useful when living in a country that speaks a different dialect. I envy anyone who speaks fluently more than their birth language.
7. Everything that seems scary and fearful no longer is
Flying solo? Scary. Long distance from one side of the world to another? Too much. Travelling around to unknown places completely on your own? No way. Heading into an office where you’re the only expat? Too hard. Once you emigrate, you break down alot of barriers you didn’t realise you put up in the first place. Barriers led from fear, fear led from the ‘unknown’. Before, a 50 minute journey from Kent to London felt long. Now, 16 hours from Singapore to UK and back again is rather pleasant. You get to understand that fear is usually the worst part, and forces you to worry about things that are not as big of a deal as you first expected. This then opens you up to experiencing more and more ‘scary’ but actually not scary circumstances. To sum up, you discover your inner sense of adventure and in the process of doing so, become a freer spirit.
8. Family bonds can become tighter and stronger
This was a big worry for me (see above fear section), that I would lose my closeness with my family living 7000 miles away from them. Actually, so not the case. In fact, the opposite has happened. I find myself spending more quality time on the phone to my family, having proper catch ups and long talks, and when we do see each other throughout the year, it’s quality time together. They come visit me, I go visit them – once jet lag is out of the way, we have a blast. I guess it teaches you to not take the relationships for granted, and you realise when they’re not around how much you love them, how much you depend on them and how sorely you miss them. It can be a huge wake-up call – and not a bad one at that.
9. You become happy spending time by yourself
Whether you emigrate solo or with a spouse, you’re going to be lonely and feel lonely quite alot – particularly at the beginning. It’s tough, but it’s worthwhile working through that period. Because then, you soon see how you enjoy time alone, time by yourself, making yourself happy. This in turn means you only let people in that add value to your life, and anyone who brings the drama, you can let go of. You’re no longer desperate for people to be around you, because you’ve mastered the art of living life, happily, by yourself. It also applies for dating too = it no longer is about just needing someone, anyone, to be around you for affection and company, but it becomes about whether that person is the right one for you…and whether they enhance your life or not. Being okay with being alone is one of the best most significant life lessons we all need to master.
10. You accept and embrace constant change
Basically, you swiftly learn you can adapt to anything. The only thing that is consistent in life is change, and being an expat you’ll realise this is severely the case. Living and working on an employment pass means I have to accept the reality that, should I lose my job and thus my pass, I cannot legally stay in this country. Should something happen here, I’d be deported back to the U.K. So a plan B is always running through my mind, just in case the worst-case scenario comes to light. If it happens, then so be it. I cannot control change or what happens down the line, so I’m learning to let go of my need for controlling every situation, and instead accept that change is inevitable. It’s not an easy one! But it’s a much easier and less stressful mindset when you get there.
