Back when we first found out about a few cases of a deadly virus in Wuhan, China, we could not have predicted the catastrophic global effects that virus would have. We had no idea it held the power to make the world stand still. We also, when told we’d all need to remain indoors to curb the death toll, could not have predicted the impact this lifestyle change would have on us.
And not a positive one at that.
Whilst it feels like the world has taken to Instagram / social media platforms to post daily inspirational shit and pointers on what to do (even though they’re not a qualified life coach or counsellor) and demanding everyone be grateful every day (even though we’re not) for what we all have, I for one cannot sit by and pretend that I am full of light and love and gratitude.
I am not. This whole thing fucking sucks. Massively. As this feature progressed I worked out, through my endless ramblings and rants to my partner, 4 core areas in which the current climate has negatively impacted our mental well being that I want to explore:
Effects of Social Media
Firstly, I had a issue with this Instagram absolutely fake #inspo crap as it is, before the covid crisis hit. I believe it sets unrealistic unattainable ideals and concepts about perfectionism that do not exist, giving those who read it a subconscious inferiority or ‘failure’ complex should they miss the mark of these high-expectation inspirations.
Secondly, during the current climate, this inspo shit is neither inspiring or helpful. Human beings are allowed to feel bad, to feel down, to spend days in bed watching movies rather than doing a home workout video or push ups in the spare room or baking 20 cakes a day or reading 25 books in an hour… we’re allowed to feel like doing absolutely nothing. This is a horrendous time.
You could simply say, stay off social media then. Easy! But it isn’t. We all know that social media, with its instant dopamine hit that comes with every like, follow and comment, is both the cure and the curse. Social media is helping connect us all every day and for the best part, starving off feelings of isolation and loneliness. It can give you a little smile, a silly giggle that changes your day, and helps keep you in the loop with the rest of the community. I am not anti-social media by any means – I built my career upon it. But what I am against, during this virus pandemic, is the issue raised above; the repeated message that we should all be constantly happy, grateful, uplifted, positive, energetic, focused and …in my eyes… a fake AF robotic droid with no real feelings.
I believe in the necessity of feeling the negative emotions as and when they come, rather than pretending like it doesn’t happen or faking my way through it all. I allow myself to be sad when I am sad because I think it is part and parcel of healing and moving forwards. After all, black needs white. Shade needs light. Good needs bad. Ying needs yang, a coin needs a head and a tail…there is always an antithesis and it’s always there for a reason. To offer the balance. So for me, sadness has as much power as happiness – it delivers the balance that we live by. We shouldn’t reject it.
But, when we’re all stuck at home with nothing to do except scroll on socials – being flooded by people who are rejecting half of the emotional balance and enforcing some unattainable lifestyle and mindset because they think it makes them look epic – it’s causing some serious mental issues. We’re being told only one half of the equilibrium is allowed.
Decline of Our General Mental Health
At the beginning we were all forgiven for reveling in the #stayhome notices, like an unexpected snow day off school. It was exciting! An excuse not to go to work. We took snaps, got all dressed up just for a sofa selfie, enjoyed time at home to relax, spring clean, catch up with Netflix or have much more sex than usual, etc etc. But like all vacations, when it turns into a reoccurring reality and not a break, it starts to become bleak and as time ticks on with no end goal in sight we’re all suffering – with deadly results.
Suicide rates, domestic violence and child abuse have all risen since the global lockdown began. The New York Times recently published “domestic abuse is acting like an opportunistic infection, flourishing in the conditions created by the pandemic.” whilst The Australian.com says suicide rates are forecasted to rise by 50% – leading a death toll to be far higher than what the virus has caused. The U.K’s Guardian recently published an article titled “MPs call for action over expected rise in child sexual abuse during pandemic”.
Something is going seriously wrong.
What with the inability to see our friends and family, the losing of jobs or cutting of pay, the boredom of remaining stuck, imprisoned shall we say, in our home space and either in isolation alone or stuck with other people 24/7 – our mental health is on the chopping board here, and nobody seems to be addressing it correctly. People are turning to alcohol to pass the time or to briefly forget their worries, albeit financial or otherwise. People are turning on their loved ones – needing an outlet for their frustration but with nowhere to let it out, it gets let out in the wrong spheres. I cannot even begin to think about the victims of the above scenarios…how hard it must be.
Or, just as bad, people turn on themselves. We become idle, lazy, bored and lacking in energy because we have no reason to get up and nowhere to go even if we do. We get stuck into a negative spiral where we have all this extra time dwelling in our own heads – a serious issue if left unchecked. This could then lead to self-medication such as drinking alcohol a lot more frequently, thus continuing the cycle (we all know alcohol is a depressant and does the opposite of helping you). Worse still, counselling sessions or appointments with people that can actively help you all through this may be unavailable – either not seen as an essential service or all booked up as soon as appointments become free…because so many people are suffering.
Need I also mention, those who already suffer from a mental illness or have a predisposition for negative thought patterns? Anxiety, panic, depression, OCD or bipolar disorders to name but a few – people were struggling to battle all of these before the lockdown began. How hard must it be to deal with this every day with the added pressures, worry and isolation that the lockdown has brought upon us all? Or let’s spare a thought for those minority groups such as the elderly and the sick, including those who have tested positive for Coronavirus and are in hospital or isolation.
I have been wondering what the key trigger is here, or is it multiple triggers all at once that renders us unable to cope? Is it the lack or change of routines? Is it anxiety – worry over the future, worry over money, worry over keeping a roof over our heads? Is it the removal of something to look forward to, albeit a day trip with your family, a night out with friends or a vacation with your loved one? Is it fear, fear of the unknown, fear of catching the virus, fear of loved ones catching the virus, fear of this current lifestyle becoming the new ‘norm’? Is it simply boredom? Or is it something else we’re unaware of?
Humans are designed for connection, designed to be in a ‘pack’ and we’re fighting against our natural instinct every minute we’re enclosed inside. Is this how every animal feels trapped inside a zoo – a prison for the innocent? You may argue it depends on the individual’s situation, their family unit, whether they’re working or not, single or not, childless or surrounded by a team of children – but I don’t think that matters at all. Everyone is feeling the negative impact of this #stayhome notice:
Effects on Your Single Life / Relationship
The majority of single people are now at the desperate point to get out and meet others. Nobody wants to be alone for long periods of time…nobody. Tinder and other dating apps have either become fossilized onto people’s phone screens – what is the point? Or the opposite is happening – you finally find someone online who you like and bury yourself in someone new, talking online but then have the goddamn frustration of not being able to meet up in person, which delivers negative emotions. For single people not on dating apps and with no current flame to text, it is easy to spend many hours thinking about past loves and dwelling on ex partners, reflecting on what you did or didn’t do and things you would like to change. Or maybe you find yourself stalking them and seeing them looking happy now, leaving you feeling more deflated and isolated than ever. Once again, negative emotions.
Alternatively, you’re in a relationship. You’re in love. And you’re living together – but you’re both not used to this amount of time around each other, and left in the pockets of anybody all the time will drive you a little off-centre. You start to pick up on small things, picking at each other, arguing / bickering more than before. Or you’re thrown into a deep new level of self-questioning about whether this person is the right person for you? Questions you weren’t asking yourself before. All the shitty parts come to the foreground, and the happy times seem to seep to the background. We all take out our personal frustrations and anger on our closest loved ones, it’s unavoidable, meaning we also simultaneously are using our partners as a metaphorical stress ball or, dare I say it, punching bag for our own lockdown stresses and misery.
What about the relationships that are living apart? How hard is that right now? Having been in a long distance relationship for 2 years, I know first hand how difficult it is going through a rough time not being able to be around the one person I needed who would help me get through it. Just a cuddle can make all the difference. A video call, a text or a letter can never replace having that person you love next to you. You still end up feeling isolated and alone, regardless of your relationship status.
Loss of Family and Friends
Talking of relationships, I wanted to touch upon the negative impact of not being able to see our friends and family. I use the word ‘loss’ here intentionally, because that is exactly how it feels. We cannot go and give our parents a hug, or embrace our best friends. We cannot go and cuddle a loved one who is struggling or crying down the phone – which in turns makes us feel useless and angry that we can’t give the support that’s needed. For people like me, who live miles away from their family, it is even more difficult knowing borders are closed, flights are not running and we’re stuck dealing with this negative space without the people we desperately need around us. As mentioned, humans are creatures that need other humans…we’re not designed to live this way. We are social by our makeup. This loss of connections to others who enrich our lives is a major player in the mental misery that has crawled under our front door into our homes, and won’t leave.
What I wouldn’t give to be able to see my family, even if it is just for two weeks. Doing all the fun or mundane or silly things we do together. I see a lot of people posting on social that they will never take simple things for granted again – a hug from your mum, a coffee with your best friend, an embrace from your partner – it is very much a feeling of ‘we don’t know what we have until it’s gone’ and it is, sadly, currently gone.
My Personal Experience
For me personally, this time has caused no end of mental issues for me. When it began back in March I was full of high spirits and treating it as a semi-holiday at home, giving me time to relax and reset (or so I thought) but the opposite happened. I have struggled with energy levels – the less I do, the less I want to do. I have been struggling to sleep every night, which in turn makes me more irritable, prone to outbursts or overreactions because I am not thinking properly, and general exhaustion. I have found myself crying A LOT, for no reason, turning in on myself and dwelling on past mistakes, panicking about the future, overanalysing everything I can and generally, just tormenting myself in my own head.
I’ve questioned my relationship, I’ve questioned my emigration to Singapore and seeped back into a mindset of wanting to just be ‘home’ which became the U.K in my head. I can only describe it as just a general sadness that I woke up to and carried around with me all day. This of course has then had a knock-on effect for my partner who lives with me. I noted how much extra alcohol I had been consuming, given that there is nowhere to go out and nothing to plan to look forward to, so I had taken to alcohol on the balcony (I know I am not the only one!). But whilst this delivers a punch high at the time, it then continued to trigger my lack of sleep and, as mentioned, is actually a depressant – so perpetuated my destructive mindset.
I tried to soldier on for weeks but eventually when it became too much, I started telling my friends and family about how I am feeling. This was the start of feeling a bit better – actually talking about it. Realising I was not the only person. I am not going mad. I am not weak or a failure for feeling this way, for not coping well. It helped me so much. I then took steps to chat to someone who can professionally help, and since then I feel a worldddd away from where I was two weeks ago.
So if there is any takeaway from this, I implore you, to speak to someone if any of the above resonates with you. You think at the time it won’t help at all and you can see no light at the end of the tunnel – but if that is the case, you have nothing to lose just having a chat, right?
Please note, this feature is my own personal opinions only. Whilst this article is laced with issues and the dark side to the current times, I’ve written it so anyone who reads it and resonates with anything I have said, doesn’t feel alone. You are not alone. You are not going mad. You have every right to feel the way you do. You have every right to take a break…to accept any negative feelings you have, and know that they will pass. Do not feel forced into feeling anything other than what you do.
Ironically, we ARE all in this together.
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If you need help or need someone to talk to, please see a few aid references below and do not hesitate to pick up that phone:
Singapore’s Institute of Mental Health: 6389 2000 | 6389-2222
Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444 (24hr hotline)
Touch Community Services: 6377 0122
Care Corner (Family Violence): 6476 1482
Brilliant, honest and refreshing