I was watching David Attenborough on my iPad (who is a legend btw and amazing human being) on a long train ride home; an episode that discussed the flamboyant plumage of birds of paradise and what we’ve coined as ‘Sexual Selection’.
This is a theory that explains why the males of our feathered friends display such bizarre dance moves and bright plumes in order to be the ‘alpha male’ who then mates with every female bird in sight. The coy females, aware they’re in demand, opt for the best dancers, the brightest colours and loudest displays with the natural instinct that drives them: “Hey, if I have to mate, I’ll be damned if I go for anything less than the best of the best”. Whilst I was watching this I thought BINGO, I have the answer to all my friend’s moaning at me “But Nix, you always date the beautiful men who turn out to be assholes, can’t you ever just opt for an average nice man?” Yes, it is about time I stood up in our circle and declared:
“Hi, I’m Nixalina and I must have PRETTY”
My friends make me feel bad about this attribute, they say I’m shallow and concentrating purely on aesthetics rather than the man himself. I’m sure they’re half right, but with the help of Mr Attenborough I can happily explain that I’m just giving in to my instincts and it is beyond my control! Besides…whoever walks into a bar and glances around the room, thinking to themselves “Oh my God he’s hideous, but I bet he has a nice personality so I’ll go speak to him.” No-one. No-one does this because we don’t ever want to date an uglier opposite sex. Read on…
Sexual Selection is the driving force for most species on the planet; the male wants to spread his seed as much as possible and so must ensure he’s the pick out of the bunch for the females. Females want to bring up young that survive and grow and become the best they can be, so they mate with the males that show they have the best genes to pass on. Humans are exactly the same! Of course what is ‘the best aesthically’ changes throughout the eras, but the policy is the same. For instance back in Tudor times it was deemed beautiful to be as white as possible and with the highest hairline; so the ladies would literally paint their faces white and pluck their hair line as high as they could go. A modern society example is the fact that men spend half their time at the gym and eat 20 billion chickens a day and drink cat-sick protein shakes at the crack of dawn. This isn’t fun for them, oh no, but they do it in order to get hench/fit/buff/hulk-like as their current bulging biceps is exactly the same as the bright feathers of the birds of paradise. They think the bigger they are, the better their 8 pack looks, the more girls they’re going to be able to shag and spread their seed farrrrrr and wide. Sadly, they’re right.
I disagree with this, because I think some can get too big and then it goes beyond being attractive; it’s just bulky and gross. Like the Hulk when he’s mad, minus the green. But that’s my subjective opinion; something human beings have that the birds don’t. However, personally, if I see a very pretty symmetrical face with floppy dark cropped hair, I am a goner. I melt. I don’t care if he was skinny, or small, or large, as long as I can look at his face and think “Jesus Christ he’s one serious pretty boy” then I’m all over it. Having been lucky enough to also attract the ‘pretty’ men; typical model types, I now can’t go back to dating just distinctly average looking men. It’s sexual selection at work; I favour the very pretty men because subconsciously I think these will be the best person to couple with to make me have very pretty children and thus nature works again to ensure the best of the best genes are passed on. Don’t hear me wrong, I DON’T want children, like I said it’s all subconscious really.
So what I’m saying is – sexual selection has a lot to answer for. Beyond our own opinions of what attractive is, there is something deeper urging us subconsciously to pick a mate that we feel will be the best of the best. It’s exactly why I’m still single; because my standards and expectations for my future are obviously way too high for any dude to be able to hit; but I cannot simply lower them because then I’d be going against what nature wants. And no-one should take on Mother Nature.
