Online dating and dating apps is a tough digital portal to embrace and get it right every time, yet many take an easy breezy nonchalant attitude towards it. I have found throughout my online dating travels (including travelling to the darkest depths of Tinder and Bumble) that guys often just upload one blurry ‘okayish’ image and simply write ‘message me if you want to find out more, I love life and I’m a crazy one’ or some other generic boring bio…then expect you to jump at them. Or, they upload photos of a cartoon, or a quote or a meme…with not a single shot of who they actually are or look like as a human, not an anime.
These people do not get dates.
These people do not attract nice normal potentials to go and hang out with.
They attract weirdos with a webcam or cyber stalkers, or bots.
No-one wants to be this person.
Like…ever.
And so, armed with my ample experience across many an online dating platform and extensive dating knowledge, I have outlined some dating tips for you beautiful men to read, absorb and adhere to. If only to save my own mid-twenties sanity and, wish I could go back in time armed with such knowledge to stop 25-year old me receiving 20 of these shitty messages every day: “Hi u ok? Wuu2? Wanna chat?”
If you can’t type out an actual message because you’re too illiterate or too lazy, don’t bother sending any kind of message to the girl whose profile clearly reads ‘Writer and Editor’. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Anyway…onto the hardcore and helpful tips:
1. As touched upon above, actually read her profile.
If she, like me, is a creative type then I doubt she’ll appreciate the 3 seconds it took for you to copy and paste WUU2? into her Inbox. Actually start a conversation with her and you have more or a chance in getting a response. Or, if she expresses her love for animals, lead in with an animal-related question. It’s not rocket science here people! Unless of course she IS a Rocket Scientist herself, then you might need to take to Google for info, or make a space joke as an opening liner.
2. Ahhh, conservation.
Another good point raised if I may say so myself – if you’re after her attention, you need to show you deserve it. Be interesting, a tad funny, but ensure you ask a question at some point. If you give her a question to respond to, you have a higher rate of receiving an answer. We know, FYI, when you’ve copied and pasted the same text. You can just tell. Also, if someone sends me this ‘Hi’ and that is it…I won’t bother replying. That says to me you are just reaching out your feelers to as many women as you matched with, no concern for the actual matchmaking process, seeing who you get a reply from. Nah, not me mate.
3. Don’t punch above your weight.
This point sucks, it does, and I hate to write it – but I think it HAS to be addressed, with as much tact as I can muster. If you would never dream of going up to this girl in a bar or public space, I’d suggest you don’t try it online either. You’re still going to get the same response – rejection. Be sensible with your online interests and go for the girls you think you may have a chance with / get along with / find some chemistry. This is a two-way street too don’t worry, females need to also follow this rule. Otherwise, in the nicest possible way, it just stresses the person out on the receiving end of hundreds of inbox messages, and it hurts the feelings of the person being ignored.
– – Of course, Tinder & Bumble avoid such a disaster by their swiping methods. But there are still many other dating apps (like Inner Circle, where I failed to see how I could stop all these messages and ended up just not using it) and online dating sites out there that do not offer any shield.
4. Don’t judge a profile by the profile photo.
Yeah…you superficial bastards…stop it. Take the actual motha fucking time to READ what she wrote! Otherwise, what is the point of having profiles when we could all just upload photos of ourselves and let the messages flood in. If you’re after something more meaningful than a quick fuck…you need to seek out similar interests or see if her profile makes you laugh, as one core attribute. If you’re ignoring the entire ‘bio’ because it’s a big turn off but still message her because her tits are out in a few photos…then ‘love ever after’ is not your final destination my friend.
5. Upload more than one photo of yourself.
Come on now, is it really that hard? One photo which is slightly blurry of you and your mates pissed up is NOT going to get a response from any girl with half a brain. We need to be able to see YOU. We need genuine real life images of your face and your body. Stick to the rule of thumb if need be. One portrait, one long length and one ‘fun’ one is awesome.
6. Don’t hide behind ‘creative’ imagery or worse still, someone else’s photos.
If I see a cleverly lit black and white photo as the main profile, I say to myself I bet he’s ginger…and low and behold…I would be right. These sneaky images taken with one design in mind – to hide the true self – will ultimately not work. What are you going to do; wear a Venetian mask when you finally meet her? Or just never meet her ever? Then why waste everyone’s time? And don’t even get me started on those dudes who use someone else’s photos – you’re fucking weirdos and shouldn’t be allowed internet access.
Disclosure – my mother is ginger. I adore red heads. The point is not being ginger, it is hiding one’s true self online. Same can argue for bald men who wear a hat in every photo. Embrace yourself, love yourself exactly as you are, and you’re on the right path to finding the girl who loves you the same way too.
7. Don’t spill your life out into your profile.
I know most guys can’t be bothered to string a sentence together online, but I’ve seen quite a few of the total other spectrum too. Literally ample paragraphs of text upon text upon text and I can’t even imagine delving in to read it all. All I do is skip the page. Sorry but, be a bit savvy. You want to draw people in, not push them away.
8. Don’t lie.
If you say you’re 6’0″ tall but your images seem to suggest you’re more 5″9″ – we will notice. You may think you’re being clever and drawing us in with the original height, and then maybe once we get talking to you we will bypass the fact that you’re really quite short. No, dream on. Doesn’t work like that. We’re more left pissed off that you’d bother to lie in the first place.
9. Don’t do this….this is not okay:
10. Nor is this…never do this.
This really is never okay:
11. Bonus addition via a male mate of mine:
Turn off computer. Put down phone. Meet people outside. <— This guy talks some sense (aside from the struggles of Covid socialising, of course).
