If you’ve tuned in to my podcast, you’re probably aware already of my issues with Instagram. I have a love-hate relationship with social media in general, but Instagram is probably my main pet peeve. On this note, I have to say – everyone should watch the new documentary The Social Dilemma on Netflix. It is dark, frightening and exposing the terrifying truth behind social media and how we’ve all been geared towards the addiction of such platforms, including Google:
In an intense contradiction of my entire life’s career to date (the irony hasn’t escaped me I assure you), I am both an influencer / content creator in the digital sphere, who pretty much hates the social digital sphere. Maybe hate is a strong word – I see the positives of staying connected to each other, and I would struggle as an expat without such apps to keep in touch with my friends and family back home. I also enjoy the positive social movements these platforms create – there is now a space for real voices to be heard, for people to come together to request changes, and heck, to share cat videos.
I am so here for the cat videos.
But lets refocus here, because this feature is specifically about Instagram, and significantly the TOXIC POSITIVITY the users promote. I am so not here for that. I want to thus highlight the dangers and pitfalls of the ol’ gram, from someone who uses it as a branding tool and marketing strategy, so that we might be able to separate ourselves from the toxic positivity shit and use the app in a manner that doesn’t destroy us.
Because there is the irony. The Toxic Positivity of Instagram is actually NEGATIVE. Say it louder for the people at the back!
Let’s delve in shall we?
Setting an unrealistic reality for yourself and your followers
We all know by now, that anything going onto the gram is filtered and is a ‘highlight reel’ of someone’s life. But whilst we know it, it doesn’t stop us comparing ourselves to others, wishing we had the lifestyle the people we follow have or, worse, comparing this manipulated hightlight reel to our own realistic lives. By playing up to what the gram wants, which has somehow become the unattainable, the unrealistic and the #influencer lifesyle that others obsess over, we all set an alternative reality for ourselves that we cannot keep up with. It’s a farce, for both the person posting and the followers who diligently like and comment as soon as a new image pops up in their scroll.
Insane amount of pressure on yourself to be ‘switched on’ every single day
This is the worst for me. Instagram’s algorithm favours those who post daily, who post stories and grid imagery and IGTV. Instagram favours those who have high engagement, a big reach, who get regrammed alot. They’re clever bastards at IG HQ I give them that! Therefore, we’re ALL pressured into keeping content, and amazing content at that, uploaded every single day. I notice a big drop in my followers and reach if I even take up to 7 days off my IG page. Therefore, you HAVE to be on it daily, and on your A-game daily with your content too, if you use Instagram as a tool to help grow your business. For those who glide through this process every daily effortlessly, I salute you. For me, it becomes a burden. It is both the cure and the curse.
Insane amount of pressure to always look your best, have the best body shape, best wardrobe, best makeup
Woahhh how long do I have to enter this dark rabbit hole? As part of the documentary The Social Dilemma featured above on Netflix, they highlight the rise in self harm and suicides, particularly of our younger generation, because of the impact of social media. As per every photo in a glossy magazine, every photo of models on an online shopping site, every billboard advert – the figure has been PHOTOSHOPPED.
IT IS NOT REAL. SHE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THAT.
For both the person uploading and the people following, the pressure to look flawless and perfect is overwhelming, impossible to keep up and detrimental to your mental health. The apps out there these days, many free to download with no age restrictions either, can literally transform people’s entire appearance.
I encourage everyone to watch professional model Cameron Russell’s Ted Talk ‘Looks Aren’t Everything. Believe Me. I’m a Model‘. She so perfectly says “These pictures of me are not pictures of me, they’re constructions. They’re constructions by a team of professionals. By hair stylists and makeup artists and photographers and stylists. They build this. It’s not me”.
Need I say any more? Nope.
When you inevitably have a ‘down’ day, you’ll feel like a failure
It’s difficult to have a down day when you’re posting happy #lovemylife pictures every day, but down days exist. It’s human. We are all human. Yet, toxic positivity creates a lifestyle where down days ARE NOT OKAY. You’re expected to always show up, perform at your best, live your best life, divert any bad energy into good energy, always compliment others, smile, be happy, be grateful, be mindful, be strong, be forward thinking, plan ahead, be career focused but also be family focused and be selfless but also love yourself… OMG I’M GOING TO EXPLODE ALREADY. I for one cannot keep up with this bullshit on my gram. Tune in for real AF talk, not this nonsense. It’s not me, it’s not real and it doesn’t help me, it causes me pressure, anxiety, depressive spells, panic and negative thought patterns.
Encouraging everyone else in a negative space to feel like a failure
So following on nicely from the above, let’s just make this damn clear. Down days are normal. They are part of being human. We are all human. Are you A.I? No, you’re not, you’re flesh and blood and you have a brain and a mind and hormones and emotions. Tis NORMAL.
Anyone who daily posts on Instagram writing captions about being motivated or inspiring or inspired or positive – they’re lying and they’re fake AF. Single or not, successful or not, 5 followers or 5 million…they’re probably the exact opposite off camera as what they pretend to be on camera. Do not compare yourself to this crap and do not allow photos or words on an app to bring you down or make you feel like you’re not doing the best you can, or living your own truth the best you can. Ignore and unfollow these people, pronto. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Becoming a ‘fake’ persona online
Which follows nicely on again from the above. Do not buy into these perfectly styled lifestyles and perfectly crafted captions – please, I beg you, do not buy into it. If it seems unattainable to be that perfect 24/7, that’s because it is. If it seems too good of a life to be true … shock horror … that’s because it is. In a world where everyone now strives for the perfect photo, the most likes, the perfect body, the perfect closet and the perfect backdrop, we’re being presented with fake images, literally fake images, to game the ‘gram. You can use apps now to change your face, to change your body, to swap out a shit looking grey sky for a gorgeous sunset one, to switch up your grotty pavement backdrop for the streets of Paris…everything is possible. But it’s all fake. If you then find yourself comparing your life to these online perfect lives… you better stop. Because that chick is probably 10 pounds heavier in real life and sitting in her back garden under dark clouds, not sitting against an Italian coffee shop under blue sky and clouds.
Will the real people please stand up, please stand up, PLEASE STAND UP?
Tricking friends and family into thinking you’re fine, when you’re not
This is a by-product of your perfect life online…your family and friends will assume you’re doing fine, even if you’re in a very bad place behind closed doors. I for one have been my own victim to this in my past. I was going through a terrible time at home, but didn’t want to really reach out to anyone or voice it, and kept up with my daily postings. When I eventually got a text from a girlfriend who lives far away, I ‘fessed up that I was struggling and very low. She said she had no idea, because my social media told a different tale.
That was a real eye-opener for me, and since then, I vowed never to come off as anything but what I’m really feeling. IF I feel really fucking low, then I won’t even post at all. I signed no binding contract, I sealed no paper with my blood…I owe the ‘gram nothing.
Attracting the wrong people to your profile and your life
If you’re giving off a certain ‘vibe’ online that isn’t true to who you are, those following you will be akin with the fake vibe, not the real you. This then leads to a whole world on your phone and in your feed and in your DMs of people that are not align with the person you are, only your online persona. This can be pretty damaging…particularly if your photos, captions and content are all styled and aimed at getting the most likes, whatever the cost. A slew of followers means nothing if you’re living a double life and behind the smartphone screen…you’re a fucking mess and feel like you have nobody to turn to or cannot be honest for fear of the ‘gram life you’ve curated being exposed as fake.
Giving off the wrong vibe to people you meet in real life
Authentic people can tell inauthentic people a mile off. If you’re sitting at the table taking 300 selfies with extra light before you even take a bite of your meal…those sitting at the table with you tucking in whilst the food is still hot will definitely have a ‘perception’ of you. Besides that point, if you meet people in real life and they make their way to your gram, they’re going to get a very different impression of who you are versus who you REALLY are. You might be perceived as the fun one, always out and always drinking. Or the go-to one for advice and lamenting their issues, without realising you’re suffering yourself – how would they know, you post nothing but MY LIFE IS AWESOME posts?
To be vulnerable is to be authentic, and real, and honest. To make real connections to others in our lives, we often need to be okay with appearing vulnerable, and being honest.
Shall we say that one more time to finish off?
We NEED to be okay with appearing vulnerable and being honest.
But I wish to add a conclusion here, that I do believe in the power of real positivity of social media. I am not requesting everyone uninstalls the gram. I am not requesting everyone divulges their deepest darkest parts of themselves in a photo caption. What I am after, is authenticity of the feed. Being authentic with your photos, with the things you write, with the stories you upload…this encourages a world of real people being their true selves, which can then create an amazing online community.
I’m not against the app itself. I’m against the fake life the users of the app have curated, which in turn causes a negative impact on themselves (even if they don’t realise it) and their followers. I AM against that.
Keep it real people.
The problem with Instagram itself, when a person does posts content that does not promote toxic positivity; Instagram and other American based social media platforms would use their algorithms to censor that content so people can only see contents that are toxic positive. It is so wrong of these social media companies to keep promoting toxic positives because they think it is profitable. In reality it is dangerous, but Mark Zuckerberg and other big tech billionaires don’t care. They don’t have emotional intelligence.