Guest Post
Pubes. We’ve all got ‘em. Well, some of us have got them.
Me personally, I choose to get rid of as many of the little buggers as possible. But that’s just my preference.
According to Advanced Dermatology, 68% of us groom the front area of our groin in some way. That’s more than any other area of the body. The most popular method of grooming is shaving with a razor, and the majority of those who shave said they started in high school.
For me that sounds about right. I remember after a weird conversation backstage at a dance performance with a fellow classmate – who found it weird that at 16 I hadn’t touched my pubic hair – a few days later, armed with scissors and a razor, I got rid of it all.
Of course, doing that presents its own problems. Keep up with maintenance or risk it all coming back. For me shaving was difficult. Do it too regularly and you risk razor burn and ingrown hairs, do it too infrequently and you’re back to a full bush in no time at all. But nevertheless I persisted for about nine years until I took my life into my own hands, in more ways than one, and decided to get into waxing. Between then and now, I have done this once a month – except for a 12 month break during pregnancy and post-childbirth where I want back to full au naturale; I don’t want to talk about the first wax after birth.
Fast forward to now and pre-lockdown (thanks COVID), I had gotten into a pretty good waxing routine. Before a deadly pandemic hit the planet, I would head into town about once a month and a lovely lady called Neena – who also does excellent brow threading – would gaze down at my genitals and make small talk about our kids while she poured hot wax onto my crotch and ripped my hairs away with a determination I both dreaded and greatly appreciated.
For those of you wondering, yes it does hurt but it also gets easier. The first wax after a long time or after shaving is the worst, but it does get better. And no, there’s not really anything you can do to make it better. Just breathe out on the pull and go to your happy place.
But here we are, in a pandemic, when all such appointments are non-existent. And so, it was finally time to take matters into my own hands quite literally. God knows when these places were going to be back open; it was giving me anxiety just thinking about that first appointment. And I was not going to go back to shaving.
So I decided to try my own Brazilian wax.
Firstly, I tried sugar waxing. I watched all the YouTube videos, ordered all the supplies off Amazon (thank you, Prime) and happily mixed together my sugar, lemon juice and water thinking it would be an absolute cakewalk.
To be honest, it came out pretty shit. I wasn’t patient enough to do the wax properly so the first time it came out too runny and would just leave honey-like wax stuck to my labia while the strip came away in my hand with zero hairs attached to it. The second time I tried it, the wax was harder than concrete.
In addition to failing to get the right consistency, I also have a toddler to contend with. Who doesn’t like being away from mama at the moment. I like to think I don’t lose too many parenting points for sticking my son on the landing watching Netflix while I prop a leg up on the bathroom sink.
“NOOOO! Don’t come in here! Go back to Cory Carson! DON’T LOOK AT MAMA!”
Not my finest parenting moment.
So when the time came to have another go, I decided to give up the DIY route. I bought a kit off Amazon. The reviews seemed mostly positive – apart from the one where someone had glued their arse cheeks together. Far from putting me off, it gave me a good laugh and I resolved to actually read the instructions and follow them to a letter.
Thanks to Prime it arrived the next day and I set up my station in the bathroom. Uninterrupted this time.
All in all, it wasn’t as bad as you think it’s going to be. The bits you think are going to be the most sensitive absolutely are, and you just have to pull the skin tight, grit your teeth and yank if you’re actually going to have any impact. Truth be told, you’re going to have to get very up close and personal with yourself to get the job done, and you’re probably not going to be able to do around your bum. I just didn’t bend that way.
Will I do it again? Absolutely. Like I said, it gets easier and when it comes to doing it yourself, you just need the practice. Plus, I’m too stingy to pay 30 quid per appointment when I can do it for nine quid in my own home.
Give it a try! Just make sure you read the instructions properly and maybe rip the wax off before your arse is closed for good.
