New research from Durex and dating app Coffee Meets Bagel reveals a stark gender divide between men and women when it comes to sex
While slightly more than half (54%) of Singaporean daters think it is important to talk about sex with their dates, just 1 in 4 (23%) ever bring up the bedroom conversation, according to recent research by Durex and Coffee Meets Bagel of 1,123 daters. Despite the majority of daters being keen to find out what sex means to their date (63%) and their views on the appropriate timing for sex (59%), the taboo nature of the topic is silencing some important conversations about intimacy, safe sex and connection.
40% of Singaporean daters are simply too uncomfortable broaching the subject of sex, with the top three reasons being:
1) I don’t want to seem promiscuous (51%)
2) I never talk about it, so I don’t know how (39%)
3) It’s too embarrassing (38%)
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The Gender Divide
On top of daters’ apprehension in bringing up sex, the study also uncovered a stark gender divide in how men and women perceive sex, and what they want from conversations around sex.
When asked what daters were interested in learning more about, men expressed interest in finding out how to bring up the topic of sex, while women wanted to discuss setting boundaries. Women were also more focused on health and safe sex, with more women interested in knowing their dates’ STD history and latest test date (59% vs 34%) and their dates’ view on contraception (49% vs 33%) as compared to men. Wearing a condom during sex was also hugely important for more women than men, with 70% of women ranking it “very important” as compared to 36% of men.
Mr. Justin Lee, Marketing Director, Reckitt Singapore said: “It’s clear that men and women have very different expectations. But just because it is the norm in Singapore to shy away from talking about sex, doesn’t mean we should continue doing it. Instead, let’s aim for honest, authentic conversations about sex, especially when dating, so both partners get on the same page, and nurture intimacy, safe sex and connection.”
Open Conversation vs Silent Assumptions
In addition to the study, Durex and Coffee Meets Bagel interviewed six singles to unearth the reality of the dating scene in Singapore, and their responses are telling. The candid video revealed vastly different opinions of how sex should be initiated and by who.
Ms. Dawoon Kang, Co-Founder and Chief Dating Officer, Coffee Meets Bagel said: “It’s so easy to assume you and your dates want the same thing when it comes to sex and intimacy, but this often leads to confusion and hurt. For example, having sex may mean an exclusive relationship to you. But for your date, sex may be something they need to experience to decide if they want an exclusive relationship with you. Talking about sex can be daunting – but know that if you can learn to talk openly about sex with your date, you can talk through just about anything. And that sets you up for an amazing, long-term relationship!”
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How to start the conversation
Ms. Kang continued: “Let’s be real. No one is good at talking about sex. So if you are mustering up the courage to talk about sex, here are some tips. First, name your emotion. For example, ‘I feel a bit nervous talking about this.’ Acknowledging the awkwardness will make you feel better and prepare your date. Second, lead with why you want to talk about sex now so they don’t make any assumptions about your intentions. Third, ask for consent. For example, ‘Hey, is sex something you are interested in talking about?’ Once you have permission from them, it will be a lot easier to talk about it.”
And when daters do eventually start talking about sex, Coffee Meets Bagel shares step-by-step tips on how to make the conversation meaningful with someone new:
● Start talking about sex outside the bedroom: this acts as a neutral setting and helps to remove expectations
● Get on the same page by talking about your definitions: different words mean different things to different people, so be specific
● Lay out clearly what you like and what you don’t: this helps to set boundaries and guides your partner for mutual pleasure and understanding
● Make safety an early part of the conversation and be prepared (e.g. bring a condom) so you can focus on your partner rather than worrying about logistics.
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