There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are good and bad times, highs and lows. You fight over small and big things, and you make up. However, sometimes the bad times outweigh the good.
Here’s a scene: You’re tired, you don’t see an end to the fighting and can’t remember how the ‘spark’ even felt. But the memories are keeping you going and you’re hoping there is a turning point down the line where the fun returns and the love stays. The question is, how do you know if your current relationship is worth keeping or if you need to split?
While every couple is different, there are some common scenarios and telltale signs to help you decide if you should work on your relationship:
When you’re not with him, you still think about him fondly
Sure, he drives you insane the moment he walks in from work, but if you’re out and about or at your desk and find yourself thinking of him, regularly, with happy memories, this is a sign you’re still ‘in it’. When the relationship is dead and gone, you’ll think of him negativity when you’re around him or busy elsewhere. Worse, you actually really enjoy the time apart.
If you think about being without him, it tears you up
Not to be confused with a fear of being alone, if you’re terribly upset just at the idea of not being with him anymore, chances are, it’s salvageable. Often there is a huge relief when a bad relationship comes to an end, for both parties. But if you get upset just thinking about your future, minus your beau, you still have enough emotion invested to be able to save the relationship.
You cannot bear the idea of him with another woman
Jealousy aside, if you’re struggling to even consider him with another woman after you two split, then you’re probably still in a place where you want this relationship. Often, when the feelings have completely gone, even the thought of him elsewhere won’t bother you at all. That’s when you know.
He’s still your go-to when you get big news
When you get an awesome email from your boss praising your work, or you got an event invite that sounds amazing, who is the first person you’ll call? If it’s your partner, that’s good news. If you would rather call your family or girls and he is the last person on your list to speak to when you have big news — it may be time to discuss moving on.
You are aware you are contributing to the issues
Whilst you’re ranting about his lack of attention, his bad manners, his finances or whatever else is really getting to you, is there a part of you that thinks: “I have a hand to play in this?” If you can, very honestly, step back and realise you are also contributing to the arguments and negativity, then you’ll also see you can be a part in fixing it too.
There are periods where you don’t fight and you’re still happy
It’s easy to want to throw in the towel when you’re constantly fighting, but if there are pockets of time or the odd weekend where, actually, you’re getting on so well, this could be a good indicator that the relationship is worth working on. If the fights are back to back and never-ending, or there are just no periods of bliss that make you feel happy, then you definitely need to address whether it’s better for both of you to go your separate ways.
You’re still sexually attracted to him
A big factor in a relationship’s longevity is the spark and physical attraction. Many couples separate once they realise that the lust and sexual attention during the honeymoon phase is almost non-existent now, or worse, neither party is even interested in trying to bring it back. A platonic relationship, however nice, is not going to last. If, however, you still want to be physically close to him and the idea of sex with him still turns you on, this means there is a spark there that is worth saving. Try to bring it back by planning a romantic night out, and get that new lingerie you’ve been eyeing.
Your girlfriends lament about their partners and it makes you appreciate yours
When you get together with your friends and they’re confiding in you about some issue in their relationship – does it make you think about your beau in a positive light? If all you do is agree with them and sympathise because your relationship is just as bad, then you might want to consider moving on. If, however, it makes you realise that your partner doesn’t do the things she’s facing with her partner, or you begin to think you’re pretty lucky to have a partner who doesn’t make you feel the same way, then chances are your relationship can be saved.
He still makes you laugh
When the relationship is completely over, all the misery, negative conversations and thoughts will outweigh any good you both had. But if he still makes you laugh and you get waves of happiness when you’re together, this is a good sign. Laughter is a key element to a good relationship and when all the humour and happy giggles is completely stripped, that’s when you need to move on. Still giggling? Worth the investment.
He often tries to talk about fixing the issues and making it work
This is the final but perhaps most significant point — his investment into the relationship. Has he completely switched off? Is he ready to throw in the towel? When you try to discuss making changes or fixing issues, does he reciprocate or shut the conversation down completely? If he’s open, honest and wants to make things work with you, this is a good sign. After all, it’s a two-way street. You can’t salvage a relationship if the other person is not interested. The fact that he sees a future and loves you enough to want to fix the issues is a great sign that the relationship can be saved.
