The dating app and online dating sites are quite the minefield, I know. It can even get quite exhausting dating men that you realise are never going to work out, or dreading opening your inbox to a hoard of messages like “babez wuup2?” as a shirtless man stares back in the picture icon.
To help you navigate round such a maze, I have depicted the general different types of male species that you will meet online, including images and bio context, and then how to deal with them accordingly. Do you run a mile or do you hold out? I’m here to help.
Disclosure: I know I’m stereotyping. Do take this with a pinch of salt, okay?
Probably a pinch of salt and shot of tequila if you’ve accidentally dated one of these dudes.
The one that loves himself
His photos will usually have at least one, if not more, topless images. He’ll write things in his bio like “I’m a ladies man” or “if I msg you, count yourself lucky”. For any girl who idolises good looking men, regardless of their personality, he’ll be the one to message. For all women after more substance than just ‘I think I’m really attractive’ selfies – steer clear.
The one that plays the joker
He has a lack of self-confidence to be taken seriously so plays the joker of the group instead. Will have a few images of him with his mates where you can clearly see, he’s at the hub of the jokes. He prides himself on being the comedian and in his bio he’ll make a cringe joke or two, to avoid writing about his real self.
He’s going to be such a laugh to be around, that’s for sure. Never a dull moment with him – and he will probably be soft at heart too, because he doesn’t have the arrogance other men have about pulling women. If you get him to calm down a bit, he may even make for a good long term partner.
The one that is only here for a good time (and very open about it)
His images will be entirely sex-related and chosen to simply arouse women, or so he hopes. His bio will, quite literally, discuss that he only wants a hookup. Whilst it’s cringe to the max, you have to respect the guy for at least owning up to it, rather than playing girls along. He offers exactly what the label states, take or leave it.
Unless you’re also after some casual fun and you categorically do not expect to meet this guy again, then sure – go for it. If, however, you are looking for a man in your life longer than 24 hours – walk away. Far away.
The boho traveller nomad man
Accompanying a bio that depicts some intellectual quote from a long-gone philosopher, the boho guy will upload snaps of himself in some idyllic setting, or at one with nature.
A tendency to be distant (in both respects) and unreliable, the nomad is quite difficult to pin down to commitment and/or an actual physical location on the planet.
The fake one
You’d be surprised at how many fake profiles there are out there, and how delusional the man is behind the screen, thinking he can pull it off.
If all his images are professional photoshoot modelling images, or clearly an Instagram tile image but he then claims not to have Instagram – he is fake.
If you think his images are real but he is reluctant to talk to you beyond the dating app or site, chances are he’s fake. Why is he even on there then for goodness sake?
Please do yourselves a favour and reverse Google search the image to try first see if the photo belongs to some European male model called Vlad who is happily married.
Don’t get me wrong, male (and female) models do use dating sites. But they also counteract their professional shots with social media accounts to prove they are who they say they are – normal.
The one who only has cartoon images in his profile
Yes, he could also be a fake profile too, but in my extensive experience I have learnt that fake profiles try too hard to look real and thus use model shots. The ones who only have cartoon images are men that have too many issues to want to put a picture of their own face on their own profile.
Doesn’t matter if he messages like someone with real intellect or interest or you think you have some online connection – you have no idea what he looks like and he’s giving off a ‘you can’t wholly trust me’ vibe from get go. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.
The musician
Oh, the one who thinks he’s gonna make it big time, or is so into his ‘art’ that he talks rarely about anything else. Every other photo will be of him with his instrument or his band, and he’ll be very expressive and creative as a whole.
A great guy to date if you’re on the similar plane – they’ll make you feel like the most special girl in the world too. Just ensure he’s genuinely into you and you’re not going to get pushed out when he’s too ‘into his music’.
The rare genuine gem
He’s attractive but not arrogant, masculine but pretty, dresses well, seemingly holding down a good job, eloquent yet funny, takes himself seriously but is also down to earth. This guy is a real rare find and they DO exist out there in the dating world. So hold out! Usually you have to wade through the bad ones to eventually stumble on one of these, but you’ll know when they come along.
There will be an immediate connection, relaxed vibe to the conversations, he’ll make you feel special but not in a stalker way and he’ll seemingly have his life together.
With this guy, all you need to do is chill out, enjoy your time, don’t predict or over-analyze him and just see where it goes. Finger’s crossed, it goes somewhere good, nay, great.
The ‘too good to be true’ man
Following on from the rare gem – the ‘too good to be true’ man is so hard to spot, because you always think he’s a rare gem. He comes off as genuine, and you have no need to question him. However, slowly, some weird things will start to pop up, cracks will begin to show and you’ll learn he isn’t quite as he seems.
Hiding a secret family? Not yet separated from his wife? Secretly broke but pretending to be stable? A gambler? Whatever it is, there is something way off about this man and he’ll never be a good life partner option.
Unfortunately the only way to find this out is the hard way. You can’t assume every man is too good to be true, in case you just had a rare gem and ruined it with your cynicism. Power through with conversation and initial dates, but look out for warning signs and if your gut instinct tells you something isn’t right, listen to it.
